


Reflections

by coldfusion9797



Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Insecurity, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-17
Updated: 2014-07-17
Packaged: 2018-02-09 06:03:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1971684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coldfusion9797/pseuds/coldfusion9797
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Damon asks Klaus an off-limits question.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reflections

Damon ran his hand over the milky skin of Klaus' toned abs, finding comfort in the touch. Curled into Klaus' side with head resting on the other man's chest, Damon could feel Klaus' arm secured around him. His fingers continued to ghost over the hybrids skin rhythmically as he sunk further into thought.

In the beginning Damon had entertained the mad notion that maybe Klaus would love him one day. But he'd come to realise over the last few months that it didn't really matter. What he had with Klaus was fun and easy and most importantly it made him happy. As long as Klaus didn't leave him it was enough. Love was overrated anyway; all it ever got Damon was a broken heart.  
Sometimes looking at Klaus was like looking at his own reflection. So much guilt and the knowledge that there is no forgiveness, that no one could ever tolerate what they've become. At least that was until they found each other. But that need to be absolved, what was left of the human part of them Damon supposed, was in constant conflict with a darker side, the monster that revelled in bloodshed and didn't give a shit about anything but self-satisfaction. In Klaus Damon had found someone as damned and as broken as himself and it worked for them. No need to hide past mistakes or present urges. No need to pretend to be someone they're not. Klaus did not judge him and that was a welcome relief. That Klaus cared, Damon had no doubt because the hybrid understood completely; Damon's pain was as Klaus' own. But Damon knew, because it had happened to him as well, that Klaus would never love him, he'd learned to turn that part of himself off.

Not often but every now and then these morbid thoughts would take hold of Damon but mostly he just enjoyed what Klaus had to offer. There was no need for love to enter into what they had, an unnecessary complication was all it would present.

And yet, he felt the stirrings of something he'd assumed was long dead...

"What's the matter love?" A familiar voice asked, reminding Damon that Klaus was not just an idea but actually here with him. Damn he'd been brooding again, Klaus may well leave him if he keeps this up. And it's been happening more and more lately.

"Do you mean that?" Damon asked softly, continuing to look at Klaus' chest rather than his face.

"What's that love?" There it was again.

"The love part," Damon murmured against Klaus' skin, both wanting and not wanting to be heard. Damon began to kiss his way up the smooth skin of the hybrids chest, distracting himself from awaiting the answer to the ridiculous question he'd just asked. Ruining this would be just the kind of thing he'd do, Damon told himself, he just seemed to have a way of sabotaging his own happiness, as though part of him knew he didn't deserve it. Maybe that's why he could be so calm about this. Damon's lips made it as far as Klaus' throat and still no answer. That was probably a good thing, they certainly didn't need love to enjoy sex, hopefully Klaus would just forget he'd said anything. Damon pushed himself up and slid a leg over the other man, straddling Klaus' still naked form, determined to wash away all thought with another round of hot, vampiric sex. But now he looked down at Klaus' face for the first time, finding a thoughtful look there and realising that maybe it wouldn't be so easy after all.

"Forget I said anything," Damon said casually, hoping to avoid the end he felt looming.

"That I can't do," Klaus answered with certainty, his eyes sweeping over Damon's face searchingly. Great, Damon really had ruined this, at least he may as well try for a grand goodbye. Damon leaned down with the intention of capturing Klaus' oh-so-kissable mouth in a punishing kiss, but the hybrid's hands were suddenly on his face holding him back. Klaus continued to look at him in that searching way, there was no way to escape facing the consequences of his stupid muttered half-question now.

"I'm sorry..." Damon ventured, not entirely sure whether he was apologising to Klaus for being an idiot or himself for...well, being an idiot. Neither of them needed the complications this would lead to.

"For what?" Klaus asked with genuine curiosity.

"For bringing _it_ up. I know you don't want it." Damon cringed even as he said it, he hadn't meant to imply Klaus was heartless, just that he knew his own love would be of no value to the hybrid. Wait, did that mean he had feelings for Klaus? Maybe. This just kept getting better and better. Concluding that sex was off the menu now, Damon climbed off the hybrid, retreating to his own side of the bed and pulling the covers over himself, suddenly feeling very vulnerable. Klaus considered Damon's reply for a moment before sitting up and turning to face Damon. For a moment Klaus' eyes reflected Damon's own vulnerability, giving Damon a glimmer of hope, but then it was gone, as though Klaus could simply will his feelings away.

"It's not that I don't want it, it's just that I've learned not to expect it," Klaus said in a matter-of-fact way that touched something deep in Damon because it was his own thoughts given voice. And hearing it, especially in such a definitive, hopeless way, made Damon realise how incredibly sad that was. No one deserved to feel so unworthy of love. Klaus' admission hit Damon harder that it should have, after all wasn't the entire basis of their relationship about seeking comfort in someone as unworthy as themselves? Wasn't this supposed to be an easy distraction? How had they managed to stray into such sensitive territory? This conversation had become dangerously serious, threatening to open old wounds or, more troublingly, to create new ones. Klaus seemed to come to this conclusion at the same time as Damon, judging by the smirk that now curled his lips. 

"Don't tell me you've fallen in love with me," Klaus scoffed, trying to make a joke of the whole situation as a way to diffuse the tension and perhaps salvage something of the easy relationship they shared. But seeing through it, knowing that Klaus was as frightened about losing this as he was, gave Damon the courage to utter his next words. 

"I could love you if you wanted me to." The words hung in the air between them, threatening to break their tentative connection; or...promising to bind it tighter. 

Damon raised his head and looked into Klaus' eyes. He'd done it again, put his heart on the line, and he wanted so much for Klaus to accept his offer. Despite how often Damon told himself he didn't want to be loved or want someone to love, it simply wasn't true, it was fear, not coldness that held him back. The hybrid looked back at him, his face a mirror of Damon's own, a well-practiced mask hiding an inner war. A ghost of a smile found Damon's lips; a mask. They were both still wearing them even though they'd begun this relationship because there was no need to hide. And now Damon knew Klaus' thoughts, as clearly as if he could hear them. For Klaus to accept his offer it meant opening himself up to the inevitable heartache that would follow. Klaus would see it that way because that's how it always was. No one could truly love them. But despite Klaus' certainty of failure Damon recognised that stubbornly persistent flicker of hope, the one that would not die no matter how hard they tried to extinguish it; the hope that one day someone would love them. Not out of duty or because it was to their advantage, but simply because they wanted to. Maybe someone who hadn't been hurt as deeply as Damon wouldn't have understood what they were seeing but Damon knew it all too well. Klaus' hesitation was the result of hard-learned lessons in self-preservation. That Damon understood this helped to convince him that he was right to pursue this. 

Right now, looking at Klaus Damon knew he'd say anything, do anything, to ease Klaus' fear and pain, no matter the risk to himself. And that's when Damon realised it was too late to make the offer he'd made. It wasn't up to Klaus to choose whether or not Damon would fall in love with him; it had already happened. 

"You really mean that don't you," Klaus said, his voice laced with hope and wonder. 

"I thought so, but it's too late," Damon told Klaus slowly, speaking aloud his thoughts as he thought them. The hybrid wilted a little at those words and Damon knew then, beyond a doubt, that this was right. With vampiric speed he was on top of Klaus, pressing him into the bed. Damon leaned down, so their faces were just inches apart. "It's too late," Damon said with all the sincerity he possessed, "because I already love you." Damon leaned closer with the intention of taking the kiss he'd been denied earlier. But again he was stopped by Klaus. The hybrid was looking at him in a way he'd never looked at him before. As though Klaus had dropped a shield and was allowing himself to see Damon, really see him, for the first time. And that he was pleased by what he saw. A soft new smile curled Klaus' lips. 

"You know, I think I could love you too." 


End file.
